if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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