ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
