I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
as a side note pls kill me
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