I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
