Im at strip club and am horny
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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