Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
