im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
