even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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