I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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