Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
