A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
