At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
