i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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