Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
