on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
