i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
40s are totally the cure
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
