I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
