Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
