i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Quick, to the slutcave!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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