cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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