please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She announced her abortion via fbk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
