how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
