Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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