i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
