i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
