i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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