Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
