New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
is it fun? or sober?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
