No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
