can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
