so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
