Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize