I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
