Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
