mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this will be a night to untag.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
