we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
