lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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