But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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