happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
