just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
