Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
