you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
