WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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