His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
