its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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