He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
