yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
