I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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