I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
