Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
