That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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